AH. So. I did it. I sat down. And I am writing. I have been wanting to begin an eating disorder centered blog for a long time now, I guess I thought the moment had to be perfect. Things needed to be checked off the to-do list, house needed to be clean, book needed to be read, workout needed to be completed. Today, it is just that. Everything feels in perfect order for me to write.
The ironic thing is, the subject I wish to dedicate this blog to is about my desire to obliterate my efforts to being perfect.
I guess this blog is off to a poor start. Hopefully I only go up from here.
I’m imperfect ya’ll. And I ain’t comfortable with that. (I freak out a lot. You will see that if you keep up with this blog).
I’m a type A individual who is finding ways to be OK with it. This is a journey about finding ways to allow my Type A-ness to shine WITHOUT being destructive to myself, my family, my friends, and my career.
We all know what a type A individual is right? I mean, I’m organized as shit, competitive, perfectionist, and a control freak.
HA. You know what that makes me? A perfect storm for an eating disorder and general anxiety disorder. I WIN!! (jk).
Most of the time, I go go go until I’m at 200mph, and then I crash and burn. My superwomen-ness snaps like a twig. I binge. I cry. And I purge.
Something tells me that ain’t sustainable.
I can cover up mistakes like nobody’s business. I like to ignore my mistakes, because I don’t think I am suppose to make them. But being quick to regain my perfect persona isn’t sustainable.
So here is to noticing the moments when I am relapsing, losing control, feeling numb and just down right stuck in a rut. Here is to admitting that I feel like shit. And here is to sitting in it, working though it, and trying again next time.
To Recovery and BEYOND.